


Hope(full) Story

by karmy18



Category: Amy and Hope, Booksmart (2019)
Genre: Amy's still getting used to things, F/F, So here it goes, and gives amy and molly a do over, but this story is all about amy, coming back a year later, just saying, molly is her own personal cheerleader, or perhaps a continuation of sorts, she wonders how much has changed in the time since she's left including herself, so there's this, they deserve a chance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-08-19
Packaged: 2020-07-31 15:23:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20117290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karmy18/pseuds/karmy18
Summary: Amy's back after a year in Botswana. Life in California is both different and not different.As she's settling in she sees Hope. The story ensues from there.





	1. Coming Home

It’s been a year. Amy tells herself this. She’s counted the days. Even though she’s supposed to make the days count. It was something Miss Fine had said. She was still trying to understand. She bet it was something that Molly got without a second thought. She wasn’t Molly though. That was the point. They were best friends who complimented each other. They were ‘platonic life partners’. Molly had even gotten them matching bracelets with it engraved.

Amy is idly moving that very bracelet about her wrist. She tells herself not to be nervous. This only serves to make her more nervous because of her increased awareness of her nerves. She knows that not everyone has this volume constantly playing in their head. The real term was anxiety. But that was a big word in its own right. Yes Amy was anxious literally all the time. But she was dealing with it. She had been dealing with it for years ever since she told her parents how crowded it got in her brain. This was another day. Yet this day she was back in sunny California and she couldn’t put off her life any further.

She had gone to find herself in Botswana. It had put her thousands of miles away of everything and everyone she had ever known. There was the international phone which she called her parents at the pre-arranged times with. She had had her laptop so she could FaceTime with Molly and keep up on world happenings. The world had and had not changed in the time that she had been gone. Her parents had grown into their empty nesting phase and became even more active in their church. Her dad had started a youtube channel for his themed cooking. Her mom had picked up crocheting but everything turned into either a poncho or a scarf. They have their own lives again separated from Amy. Amy knows that her parents love her. It’s unconditional. She’s grateful for the space. It’s about the becoming. One step at a time. She had a sticker on her computer by the trackpad which reminded her each time she opened it.

There was Hope. Amy had no idea what to do with well anything and everything that had to do with her. There had been sporadic messages from her. There were always black and white photographs she had taken attached to the emails she sent Amy. They weren’t plentiful but Amy could sense that they weren’t nothing. She thought that Hope must have worked on each one that she sent her. It made her feel special in a way she couldn’t voice. She held onto it. Amy thought she wanted a second chance with Hope. She wasn’t going to fuck it up again. She told herself this. She was one hundred percent committed to that. That was if Hope was going to extend out the olive branch. They would have to see each other. It wouldn’t be words sent into cyberspace. It would be within the fabric of reality. Amy knew this wasn’t her strong suit. Practically everything in her life had reminded her of that.

She’s home. It’s hard to believe that its the same sun beating down and the same moon looking out each night that it was for her time in Botswana. Everything is both different and the same.

She mentions it to Molly. “Does it feel different being back?”

Molly steers the volvo into a parking spot. “Amy you’re home.”

She tries again. “I know. It’s just, I come back and so much is the same. But I don’t know if its the same me.”

It would be easier if Molly was exasperated with her. But she’s not. It’s like she’s prepared for pensive Amy. “Isn’t that the point of why you went to Botswana and took a gap year?”

Amy doesn’t have a response.

“In less than three months you’ll be at Columbia.”

“I know.”

“Things change. We’ve talked about this.”

She says it again. She wants to trick herself into believing it. “I know.”

It’s one of those things that Amy knows they won’t see eye to eye on. She’s not going to force it. They don’t need a do over of Nick’s party from last year. They had talked about it. They weren’t going to let things go bottled up like that just to explode to the surface. It was the healthier more adult thing to do. It didn’t mean it was any easier.

Molly door creaks open. “I love you.”

“Love you.”

Amy gets out too.

Molly stares over the car after adjusting her shirt. It’s the second day of her internship working in the DA office. “You’re fucking amazing.”

She’s missed this. Amy doesn’t have this sort of camaraderie with anyone else in her life. Molly is just different. But their different matched up. Platonic life partners. It was a forever type of thing. 

They duel off in compliments. Amy’s smile is no longer forced. She missed spontaneous moments like this. It was so them and it was utterly delightful.

Amy drives to a locally owned coffee shop. She gets a cold brew and parks herself at a picnic table underneath an overhang. She opens her laptop with the purpose of working on her blog. She stares at the sticker as her computer whirrs to life. One step at a time. That’s what she tells herself.

Amy takes a sip of her drink with just the right amount of soy milk. She opens a blank word doc. This had been easier in Botswana. Away from everything she didn’t feel like her words were being judged as harshly. The strange thing was more people were reading her blog when she was on a separate continent. It was a lifelong for relatives and the people she graduated with. Amy was surprised when she got a notification of a new subscriber or a comment. It was a piece of her up there on the internet. She didn’t expect anyone to pay attention.

Someone takes a seat on the bench across from her.

She looks up.

“Hey nerd.”

She feels herself smile. “Hope.”

Amy recognizes Hope working on a retort. Amy’s next words cause her head to tilt to the side. “It’s good to see you.”

Hope pauses. Amy feels like she should congratulate herself. She’s seeing a hidden piece of her. She didn’t think many people got to see this side of Hope.

She regains some of her attitude. “I knew you were in town.”

“You did?”

Hope points to the screen. “Your blog.”

She feels herself blushing. She tries not to stutter. “You read my blog?”

“Of course.”

“Oh. Cool.”

She watches Hope bite her lip. She breaks the silence moments later. “I’m going to go get a drink I’ll be back in a minute.”

Hope doesn’t wait for a response before she gets up. Amy stares at her figure in light washed jeans with a small flair and her blank converse. She’s wearing a simple white tee.

Her go to move is to text Molly.

It takes Molly a minute before she responds telling Amy that it’s a good thing.

It is.

Amy texts back fishing for good luck. She knows logically that this doesn’t include Molly. It’s strictly between her and Hope. But she wants to know someone is in her corner. She never needs to ask. The reminder is helpful though as Hope takes long strides back to where she sits.

Amy saves her document and shuts down her computer. She gives her full attention to Hope.

“Did you start your work with the portrait photographer you mentioned to me?”

Hope gives out a small laugh to herself. “I did. You have a good memory.”

Amy pats herself on the back. “You wrote it in your email.”

She thinks about it. “I did.”

“Did you find what you were looking for?”

Amy’s taken aback. “What do you mean?”

“For a summer job? You had said that it was hard sending your resume out with the wifi unless you went into the city.”

The attention to detail warmed Amy’s heart. She reminds herself she needs to answer Hope’s question. “Not quite. I have some volunteering set up but nothing that actually pays.”

“I see.”

Hope tucks her hair behind her ears. Amy’s a rare type of happy to be there with her.

She tells herself that she can do this, she is doing this after all.

She’s bold. “Could you show me some of the photos you’ve taken?”

“I’d like that.”

“You’re really good.”

“I wouldn’t go that far.”

“I would you know. Your stuff is more than just instagram shots. I’d bet one day I’ll be traveling to a gallery just to see your work.”

She never thought she’d see Hope blush but that moment is here.

Her words are whispered. “You’re too kind.”

She had finished her drink twenty minutes earlier.

She wants to make this time different. She tells herself not to make the same mistake. She likes this woman. This woman may or may not like her. But she wants to try. Not just have some random bathroom hookup. But actually try. This is Hope. Even if she’s just Amy. She gets herself to ask. “Could I maybe take you out and you could show me one night?”

Her eyes are twinkling. “Sure.”

Amy gets up. She grabs her computer and throws out her empty cup. “Text me when you’re free.”

She hears Hope yell at her back. “Bye nerd.”

She’s done it for now. She gives herself this.

There’s a text for Amy by the time she’s finished running errands and returned home.

_Friday. Pick me up at 6 at Central_.

She sends back a thumbs up and then immediately calls Molly.

“I told you Aims.”

“I can’t believe it.”

“You’ve got game even if you went straight for the butt.”

“I’m never going to live that down am I?”

She hears her laugh. “Not a chance. But maybe she’ll let you get it right this time.”

Amy covers her face with her right hand. She hadn’t gotten that far.

Molly calls her back. “Amy stop freaking out.”

“I’m not trying to.”

“But you are. I can tell.”

“You’re right.”

“I’m always right.”

Amy sighs.

“You have three days. Hope the resident grouch who stole christmas wouldn’t have said yes unless she wanted to. All the messages in a bottle you sent each other over email this year have meant something.”

“Maybe.”

“Amy breathe, okay? You’ll be fine. If you can get over vomiting on the girl you nearly lost your virginity to you can take her out on a date.”

“Okay.”

Molly breaks out the big guns. “What are you?”

“An independent woman.”

“I didn’t hear you.”

“I am a strong independent woman.”

“Come again?”

Her tone grows. “I’m a strong independent woman who needs no man.”

She knows Molly is smiling on the other line perhaps fringing on maniacal. She has to hand it to her. It works after saying it with enough gusto.

“I’ll help you get ready on Friday.”

Amy sits on her bed. “Thanks.”

“I said for life. So did you.”

They hang up.

Amy looks up at her ceiling. Three days before she saw Hope again. If she could get through a year what was three days?


	2. A for Effort

She had said goodbye to her parents that afternoon. They were going to a convention for religious people who aspired to be youtubers. She had thought they were kidding until they showed her the website. She had grown wise enough not to ask any further questions. By the time Molly came over, to get ready for her date, they were already on the road to San Diego.

Molly had talked Amy up. There was no proverbial ledge for her to walk back from. That’s not where Amy stood. This wasn’t something to run from. She had no interest in flinging herself off whatever edge she could find.

This was a date. A four letter word. With a girl who was so much more than a combination of letters. There were the actions and her character. She wasn’t the basic hot girl that she had called her on the night which changed everything. Hope had disproved that for her. More than once. She was more than a stereotype just like Amy was more than a sketch of a person. The date proved it wasn’t just in Amy’s head. This was real. She was real. Hope said yes. It was a choice. It had set it all not motion.

Driving Amy was on autopilot. She was the one behind the wheel. Her right foot eased the gas and brake pedal accordingly. But she didn’t feel all there. She was afraid. That was normal for her. Amy was the first to admit that she was literally afraid of everything. What scared her the most then and there was the fear of staying where she was. Obviously that was impossible because she was driving a moving vehicle. But it was the sense of unease of doing the same thing over again without any changes. She kept saying she wanted things to be different. She had to make things different. It scared her. She was in the drivers seat of her own life.

It wouldn’t be a stretch for Amy to say she’s practiced what to say.

Hope gets in the volvo with her as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. Amy can’t help but drum her fingers on the steering wheel. She feels a tingling type of energy course through her veins. This was it.

She realizes she hasn’t moved when Hope asks her a question. “Where to?”

Amy can’t help but smile even though the words that come from her lips aren’t prepared. “I hadn’t gotten that far. You were the one who asked me?”

Hope nods her head. She’s amused by Amy’s response. “Fair enough. Can you take directions nerd?”

She blushes at the use of the nickname. “I can.”

Amy can’t tell if its a throwback diner that Hope has led them to or if its just a really old diner that hasn’t changed since the fifties. It seems more appropriate for Hope that if it’s the later rather than the former.

They sit down in a vinyl booth.

Amy can’t help but smile at Hope over the laminated menus. Even under the fluorescent lights it’s apparent just how beautiful Hope is. Amy could be jealous but she’s not. This would be one of the few occasions to dare to say that she’s happy. She feels fortunate and lucky to get to see Hope like this. The bravado is washed away and put aside.

Someone had explained it to Amy in the second month she was in Botswana. Each person had multiple versions of themselves. It wasn’t schizophrenic. It just was. There was the self you were when it was just you. The self you were with your best friend when everything was going right and when everything was going wrong. There was the self you transformed into when you were hangry or lonely. The list could go on and on. Amy had never thought about it like that. She thought that a person was or wasn’t. She never bothered to exist in the gray area, neither here nor there. But that was what she had put herself into. The definition of a gap year might as well have been a year of living in the gray.

Amy thought about what version of Hope was there with her in this hideaway she otherwise would never have discovered.

Hope puts down her menu. She takes a drink of water before she calls Amy out on it.

She jumps a little in her seat. “What?”

Present, that’s what Amy reminds herself to be.

Hope gestures at her. “You were somewhere else. You looked cute with a goofy grin.”

Amy doesn’t need to look in a mirror to know her face is nearing a shade of tomato red.

Their food comes. It’s easier it being just the two of them.

Amy’s quickly learning what people meant when they said that another person could make the rest of the world fall away. That’s what Hope did for her.

She gets her to talk about her photography. She’s detailing the intricacies of how her analog photos are different from her digital photos. Amy would be happy to listen to her for the rest of the night. The check comes and interrupts them. Hope sweeps it up before Amy can.

She puts a blue card down. “I asked you out on this date.”

Amy leans back. “I guess chivalry isn’t dead then.”

“You bet your ass.”

Amy laughs. If Molly was present she would tell her that she giggled for this girl.

They find their way back to the station wagon. Amy puts the key in but doesn’t start the car. She looks to the woman next to her. “Want to come back to my place? My dad made some rhubarb pie that’s out of this world.”

Hope hesitates before saying yes.

Amy starts the car and navigates them to her parents house. She doesn’t want to think twice about it. It was a simple invitation. They were having a nice time together. It all made sense. The dots were connecting. That’s the story that Amy wove for herself.

Amy turns the lights on after she unlocks the front door and opens it for Hope.

She leads her down the short hallway to the kitchen. She opens the fridge and pulls out the saran wrapped dessert.

She grabs two plates and the necessary utensils.

She slices a piece for Hope and then herself.

They are leaning against the counters standing as they eat what Amy’s dad had baked.

Hope scrapes her fork against her plate as she starts on the crust. “Your parents?”

“Out for the weekend.”

Hope raises her eyebrows.

Amy rushes to give her an explanation. “I didn’t invite you over because they were gone. I would have even if they were here. I thought you would like the pie so I wanted you to try it.”

“Amy, it’s okay.”

She says her name and Amy finally understands what it means to swoon.

She breathes out. It’s like there’s a weight hanging in the balance.

There’s a what comes next which Amy wonders about.

She puts the pie back int the fridge and their plates into the dishwasher. Hope is looking at her expectantly.

Amy doesn’t know what the most right thing is. She opens her mouth. “Want to see my room?”


	3. We Are Here Now, Aren't We?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is what you would expect it to be. Feel free to give the song by Motopony, "Wait for Me": (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_bFylt67xGc) a listen while reading.

Amy opens the door and Hope walks into her room first. She flicks on a lamp, the room is bathed in a soft light.

She tells herself not to think too much as she watches Hope take her room in. Hope does a circle as she reads the posters lining the walls. Amy wants to play it cool but she feels like her nerves are are ricocheting within her at a frantic pace. She tries to swallow it. She can do this, this woman is here on her own volition. Amy reminds herself of this. Her nerves are there but so is Hope.

Hope sits on the bottom bunk facing Amy.

She holds her hand out to Amy.

She feels herself smiling as she parks herself next to Hope.

Their arms are touching.

Amy’s hands fidget in her lap. She doesn’t know how to be cool or suave. What she feels the most is inept.

Hope reaches for her hand. That small action serves as a bridge from one moment to the next.

She hears her own words. “Can I tell you that I’m happy to be here with you?”

Hope lets out a small laugh. She knocks her knee against Amy’s.

Her voice grows in strength. “Because I am.”

The truth emboldens her. She squeezes Hope’s hand.

Amy thinks back to the night last year where everything had changed. She liked how she felt being with Hope (before the whole misfire and vomiting). But before then Amy was chasing that feeling. It was one of the few times she recalled her brain falling quiet. She had been there, present with Hope. It was priceless.

Amy comes back to the present when she hears Hope say her name. She turns to her and is met with a smile.

“You okay space cadet?”

Amy remembers. Then she acts.

Her hands frame Hope’s face. She doesn’t allow herself to second guess. She’s kissing her. And she would by lying if she didn’t admit she’s been waiting for this for over a year. Amy kisses her and Hope kisses her back.

Hope’s back hits the mattress, Amy is hovering over her, her weight resting on her forearms. “Is this okay?”

She brushes a lock of Amy’s hair behind her ear. She nods as she speaks. “I want you.”

Amy hears her. She doesn’t hesitate.

It’s different this time.

The only snafu is when Hope tries to kick her sneakers off. Thankfully she’s not in her converse. She’s in her vans where there are no shoelaces but Amy helps her all the same.

She doesn’t fuck up. Amy’s not thinking about the excess of porn she watched thinking that studying would make the difference from last time.

It’s between them under a flowery comforter alone in Amy’s parents house.

She feels herself slipping and faltering. Hope stops, “We don’t have to do this.”

Amy berates herself. “I want this more than you know.”

There’s a smile on Hope’s face. “I can tell.”

Amy rests her weight against her. She wants to summon some sort of courage that has to be hiding within herself.

She relishes in the warmth of being nestled there with Hope.

She’s grateful she hasn’t said anything else. She hasn’t embarrassed herself further. That’s not what Hope is thinking. She’s endeared to Amy even if she hasn’t said it aloud. She would give her all the time she needed. It didn’t have to be now.

They kiss. Amy needs something from Hope even if she doesn’t know what it is exactly. There’s something she wants to do and prove.

She could say it was her animal brain or she could blame it on being a hormonal teenager. But really Amy wanted to make Hope feel wonderful, she wanted to give her that.

Hope asks her what she’s doing as she kisses her way down her body.

Amy pauses until she has Hopes consent.

Her mind is quiet as she goes down on the woman she has feelings for, and Amy hopes one day she can call her her girlfriend.

Hope is verbal and she tells Amy what she needs. It takes both of them. It’s not perfect but Amy ispleased with herself.

Later when Hope gives Amy that same attention she’s shocked at how fucking amazing sex can actually be.

They fall asleep tangled together, Hope is wearing a too big t-shirt of Amy’s. Amy wishes she could take a picture of Hope there in her arms. She tells herself to remember this.

She falls asleep like that, happy.

Molly bursts into their room with full gusto shouting good morning.

Hope groans. She gets up out of bed before Amy as Molly looks on tightlipped and gobsmacked.

Amy watches Hope leave. She tells her that the bathroom is down the hall.

Molly plunks down on the bed. “Amy!”

She can’t help but smile at Molly who is beaming.

“You guys totally fucked.”

“Keep it down she can hear you.”

“You did it! I’m so proud of you girl.”

Amy’s blushing. She puts a hand through her hair. They had had sex. A lot of sex by Amy’s account.

Hope comes back, she slips into her jeans. She looks at the pair, “Breakfast?”

Amy says yes and thinks that this is something she can get used to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for coming along for the ride and reading the story. Seriously, your kudos and comments make all the difference. Hopefully I didn't fuck up and this is a worthwhile ending (fingers crossed).  
Thank you. Until next time.


End file.
